KHR: The Omake Project - Batman Visits the Varia

The scenery rolled by at an extremely fast speed. I stood on my seat with my face pressed against the window just watching it rush passed. "Leoncino, please sit down. It's not safe to stand in here while the car is moving." Bernardo glances at me in the rear view mirror.

"Who is this 'Leoncino' you speak of?" I demand indignantly.

"Ah, forgot…" he grumbles to himself before speaking to me again, "Batman, would you please sit back down?"

"If you insist, Alfred." I reply in my squeaky 'Batman voice' (in case you haven't figured it out, Uncle Lambo and I just completed a three day Batman movie marathon) and hop back down on the seat.

Why am I in a car, without my Padre or any of my so called Uncles with me you ask? Well apparently, everyone is too busy to look after a "spontaneously explosive two year old with an incredibly short attention span"… In my defence, I'm not the explosive one… that would be Aigís. And come on, you'd be hard pressed to find a two year old that doesn't have a short attention span!

Well anyways…

There's no one to look after me today and Padre says I can't hang around with Bernardo and the other suits either… So while Masamune is at the hospital (as usual) I'll be visiting the house of one of Padre's "acquaintances"… Or so he said. He also said it was time I learnt how to play with other children…

I don't get why, I play with Aigís and Masamune (okay maybe not Masamune as much, but still). Why do I need to play with other kids? And who is this other kid anyways!? I demand answers!

"Let's just do the usual: say we're playing hide and seek and then ditch them."

"But Masamune is the only one who actually falls for that, and he gets so whiny when we leave him…" It's boring when he's sleeping or sick, but he's so damn clingy when he's awake! I can't even play any of the games I want to play with him cause he's always sick!

I hope this "other kid" isn't like that too…

"Leon—ah I mean Batman, we're here." Bernardo calls me from my thoughts and I jump up to look out the window at the scary looking mansion we're approaching.

Huh… this might actually be fun after all… "Look! They even have gargoyles!" I squeal with delight! Now, to find myself a Batcave… there must be a well or something around here somewhere…

Bernardo opens my door and I jump out about excitedly. "To the Batcave!"

"Whoa! Hold up there Leo— Batman!" Bernardo grabs me before I can escape.

He hands me my epically awesome lion backpack (it's both a backpack and a cuddly toy~) which I sling over my back on top of my utterly fabulous cape (a mini version of Padre's cape). "…Now to the Batcave?"

"Alright…" Bernardo looks a little, what's the word… uneasy? I think that's right… But why? We approach the even-scarier-up-close mansion (sweet!) and he rings the doorbell.

There was a lot of yelling and crashing and it sounded like something broke too, before someone came and opened the door. And it was the creepiest guy I've ever seen… At least I think it was a guy… No woman is that ugly… right? "My~! Aren't you just the sweetest thing!" he/she/it swooned at me.

I spun around and shouted, "Quick Alfred! To the Batmobile!" Seriously, I'm not staying with this creep!

"Awww, Kawaii~!" The she-male cooed and picked me up before I could make my daring getaway.

"Unhand me you vile fiend!"

"Well, have fun then Leoncino!" Bernardo calls from the car (when did he get there!?)

"We've been abandoned!"

"Alfred! You traitor!" And I'm Batman dammit!

"Ciao~!" The unidentified human shaped thing waves as the car pulls away. "My~, Xavier is so excited to finally have a playmate~!"

Did he say Zavier…? Like as in X-avier? The Xmen boss man!? Ooooh! I wonder if I'll get to meet Wolverine! Ah, but first I have to find me a Batcave! "Are you done yet?" Come one put me down already!

"VOOII! Lussuria! Bring the damn brat in already!" an incredibly loud and obnoxious voice booms from inside.

"Hai~!" The thing dubbed 'Lussuria' (I shall call it, Lussy!) sang and dragged me inside. Lussy pointed to a guy with incredibly long silver hair (which looked oddly familiar), "That's Squalo, Squ-chan for short~."

"VOOII! DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Squ-chan waved around a big ass sword.

"Okay, we won't call him 'That' then!" It's what the man said!

"Ushishishishi~" some guy with blonde hair (that covers his eyes) and wearing a princess tiara giggled really creepily.

"That's Belphegor~ or Prince the Ripper if you'd prefer!" Lussy introduced.

Belphe—(Merda, his name is too long… he shall now be Blondie!) Blondie grinned, "Ushishishi, address me as Prince, for I am a prince!"

Since Lussy had finally put me down, I wondered up to the so called Prince, "Pray tell why the 'prince' is wearing a princess's tiara." I deadpan.

"…"

"…"

"…" They have been silenced… I demand answers!

"If you don't answer soon it will become mine."

"Ushishishi, do you want die brat?" Blondie pulls out a bunch of knives out of nowhere.

I roll my eyes, unfazed by his threat (I want answers dammit!) "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with knives?"

"VOOII! What's with this brat! How can he talk so well at only two years old!?" Squ-chan yells, swinging his sword around again.

He's just realising this now? I give him a blank stare, "Because I'm Batman."

A random glass came flying out of nowhere and shattered over Squ-chan's head, "Shut up shark trash!"

Now there's a voice I recognise! "Oh! So we're at Uncle Xanxan's house!" That explains a lot!

"Brat." He nods at me with a glare.

"I'm not 'Brat', I'm Batman!" Get it in your heads already!

"Oi, there's a mini Xanxan here!"

"A what?" I stare at him dubiously before noticing the small person clinging to Uncle Xanxan's leg. "Oh, so there is."

Lussy drags me up the stairs to meet the mini Xanxan. "Hai~! Cielo, this is Xavier!" I eye this 'Xavier' kid up and down; he looks to be about four-ish, has the same dark spikey hair that Uncle Xanxan has, tan skin and dark green eyes. "Xavier, this is the Decimo's oldest son, Cielo~!"

We glare at each other. "I don't want to hang around with this weakling trash!" He whines and gives me a shove.

"Die bitch!" I shove him back, Aigís giving me a boost so he ends up slamming into the wall. He staggers to his feet and glares at me with tear filled eyes. "Aww, did baby get an owie~?" I sneer at him.

Growling he launches himself at me and we roll around the floor in a wrestling match, trying to choke one another. We start hurling insults, pulling hair, scratching and biting too. Yep, I can see this is the start of a beautiful friendship~!

Meanwhile, all the adults just stand back and watch the show…